Forgotten Petals
by makodreamafar
Summary: On the night of Lily Potter's death a charm activates in regards to Severus Snape. Its purpose is to return something very precious back to Severus, his memories, their memories. Severus Snape/Lily Potter


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Forgotten Petals

Snape's hand shook as he poured the alcohol into the tumbler, the night's events coursing through his veins as he tipped the glass back and drank deeply. How could this have happened? He had done everything! He had begged the two most powerful wizards in existence for her life! One of them had promised her safety.

Dumbledore. He had promised that he would keep her safe, that bastard had promised! Glass smashed against the ground as Snape flipped the table, fire whiskey and tumbler meeting their end on the kitchen floor. "You promised," Tears were wrenching their way from his eyes as he fell to the ground his gut wrenching with pain. The floor was cold under his hands as he knelt on it. Dumbledore had promised to hide them; he had promised to keep them safe. Lily was dead though! His sweet beautiful Lily was dead!

His fist slammed onto the ground and the bones in his fingers gave a wet snap as their resistance broke. It was his fault that Lily was dead, he was the one who had told Voldemort of the prophecy. If he hadn't told that bastard about it then Lily would still be alive. He would still have the chance to earn her forgiveness, forgiveness for something that could never be forgiven.

Snape leaned forward pushing his forehead to the floor as he sobbed. His mouth was open and his body shook with the cries that forced their way from his soul. He didn't deserve forgiveness; he didn't deserve to have any peace. He had caused the death of the only woman that he had ever loved, the only woman who could had ever loved him. The floor dug into his forehead and he curled his fist tighter the broken bones aching sharply.

He wasn't sure how long he crouched there but when he stood heavy torrents of rain had made their home outside of his window. Standing, he tried to stop his legs from shaking but he couldn't, his muscles burned and his throat ached. Everything-everything that he had lived for had been taken away from him. His heart cinched in his chest and he leaned against the crooked counter in his house. A bolt of lightning flashed outside of the house as he wiped his face with the edge of his sleeve. He would make it right, he had to. Taking a breath to steel himself he uncurled his broken fingers and preformed a healing charm on them the bones snapping back together making fire race through his veins. It was a slightly advanced charm but one that he had learned so that he could heal himself after rounds of the cruciatus curse, as he had a habit of breaking his hands while the pain wracked his body.

A flash of fire caught his eye making Snape turn sharply his wand raised and a stunning curse on his lips. What met his gaze though failed to be a wizard, a flask gleaming silver from the light of the candles in his home sat on the small table in his parlor. "Wha-," the word slipped out even as a piece of parchment drifted slowly from thin air down beside the flask. Keeping his wand at the ready Snape hesitantly approached the table, his eyes darting to and fro in worry as he reached the parchment. His breath stilled in his throat as the familiar curvy writing came into view. Lily had always had beautiful penmanship-a skill that she had perfected through many hours of practice, much to his chagrin. He reached toward the parchment his sense of caution fleeing him for a moment; his fingers brushed it and the charm activated.

"My Dearest Severus," Lily's voice rang out around him and he clutched at the parchment tightly as his body began to shake. "I suppose it would be cliché of me to say that if this has reached you then the _Fidelius_ charm has failed somehow and we were found. I have no doubt that currently your blaming yourself for what has happened. Yes, Dumbledore told me what you did, though only through my stubborn persistence to learn the truth." The words paused after that as if the writer had been lost in thought for a moment. "I suppose that's hypocritical of me, to claim that I have a persistence to the truth. I have, after all, stolen the truth from you, perhaps in the cruelest way possible. Sev…I pray that you won't hate me for what I've done to you; for what I've done to us. I was convinced it was the only way-the only option. You'll understand won't you?" Her voice had turned pleading for a moment but the letter stopped again and Snape assumed that Lily had been gaining her composure. What did she mean what she had done to them? He was the one who destroyed their relationship, who had torn asunder any chance that they could have had.

"Sev….my relationship with James was always a bit rocky, though I'm sure if you were to ask anyone now they would say that we were picturesque. We never argued in front of other people and we always made sure to keep any discord that was between us far from prying ears. I'm sure you're wondering what the point of this is, the fact is Sev, you were the only one I could ever talk to. It is for this reason that I did something unbelievably selfish. Whenever James and I would have a fight I would come and see you, after which I would obliterate you."

Snape stilled his heart literally skipping a beat-Lily…she had obliterated him? She had stolen-no destroyed memories of herself, memories which were a part of the only thing that he had left of her. "I was weak Sev, and I continued to be weak and one night-well I'm ashamed to say that I let that weakness go too far. We slept together and…it'll be easier just to show you Sev. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. My memories are in the flask, they'll tell you everything you need to know. There's another copy in your vaults inside of a hollowed out copy of Animum Potions, it is with you that I trust these memories. Please forgive me, Lily."

The letter curled and smoked before becoming mere particles of ash drifting to his floor. Lily, how could she do this to him? Fresh tears worked their way through his body and he barely managed to quell them. His fingers wrapped around the flask and a moment later he was making his way upstairs to his bedroom. Snape's heart was racing in his chest as he strode into the bedroom then to his closet opening the doors to retrieve the pensieve that he had hidden there. Carefully he took the object to his desk and set it down before unhooking the lid of the flask and upturning it into the pensieve, silvery strands of Lily's mind slipping into the basin.

It was then that he stopped; did he really want to do this? He had no memory of the events that Lily had spoken of; he could turn away and wash his hands clean of whatever knowledge was in the basin. He couldn't though, those memories-they were precious, even if he didn't recall them yet. Stooping low he let his face fall into the basin and the world swirl around him only to form again in a different place and time.

Lily was standing outside of his house, a dark cloak drawn around her body as she knocked on his door. Snape had come into appearance behind her and it was only with great restraint that he didn't try to touch her. She was just a memory-he wouldn't be able to interact with her. The door opened and Snape saw himself standing there a look of shock etched on his younger-self's face. "Hello Severus," Lily had lowered the hood of her cloak revealing her red hair to the streetlamps.

"What are you doing here Lily?" Snape watched his younger-self cross his arms.

"I needed someone to talk to-you-you've always been there for me." Lily's voice was etched with self-doubt even as the younger Snape moved to the side to allow her entrance and she slipped inside of the house their onlooker following right before the door closed.

Snape leaned against the wall as to watch the scene as it unfolded before him. Lily smiled as she undid her cloak placing it on a hook beside the door before pushing her hair over her shoulder. The memory Snape was pouring two glasses of tea from a pot he had conjured and he motioned for her to take a seat on the couch before perching himself on the armchair. "Lily, what's going on we haven't conversed for years?"

Lily was toying with the edge of her cup staring into it as she bit her plump bottom lip between her teeth. "I know Sev, it's just…I didn't know who else to turn to. James he can be so hard-headed."

A smirk had curled on the younger Snape's lips and the intruder on the scene would have joined if he wasn't still embracing the pain from Lily's death. No the only thing he could feel was his loss, that and a bitter longing as Lily took a sip from her cup.

"Things not working out well with Potter then?" Lily shook her head.

"I love him Sev, I do it's just that….sometimes we argue, over the war, over Dumbledore, over our friends, we butt heads Sev." Lily had set the cup down and she crossed her hands, the younger Severus set down his mug and leaned forward to place his hand over Lily's.

"I know," the words were filled with a deep pain and Lily shook her head and upturned her hand so that she could lace her finger's with his. "I just."

She shook her head stopping his words while she gave his hand a light squeeze. "Let's not talk about this Sev." The younger Snape nodded and drew his hand back, "I saw your article on the modification of using wolfsbane in a potion…."

The world swirled around Snape and another memory came into focus. Lily had a tumbler in her hand and she was pacing his small parlor. "A child Severus! James wants to have a child while we're in the middle of this war!" Her eyes were slightly wild and the younger Snape stood before wrapping his arms around the trembling woman.

"He's being foolish Lily," She emitted a sigh before resting her head on his shoulder, her hair a deep contrast on his black robes. Snape could see the small smile on his younger self's face as long fingers dug through the red strands.

"I understand the want Severus, I do. I want a child to." The smile disappeared and the younger Snape was clenching his eyes. Snape could imagine why, it had hurt when he had found out that Lily was pregnant with James's child, it had felt like a punch to his gut.

"Still he is a fool to ask this of you while this war rages." Lily was nodding and her arms had come to wrap around her current protector's waist.

"He keeps saying that we may never have one, he said that we might not survive this war." The elder Snape's heart jumped into his throat and he pushed a hand to stifle the sob that he felt rising. It was just a memory-Lily wouldn't know the impact of her words.

"I'll keep you safe Lily, no matter what. I'll protect you," the harsh words reached Snape's ears and he felt the sob escape. He had promised! Oh god he had sworn to keep her safe, the fresh pain from her death ricocheted off his ribs to slam into him with a new passion. The memory faded and another one took its place but Snape paid it no mind as he felt the hot tracks of tears consume his flesh. The memory ended and another one occurred and again. Finally the sobs stopped and he watched the next scene unfold.

Lily was standing by the fire and her face was streaked with tears, "How could he do that Sev, I know we've argued before but…" She turned and a bright red mark marred one of her cheeks. James! That Bastard! Snape started forward but his memory copy was already holding Lily close, anger was flashing in the man's dark eyes.

"I'll kill him," Lily shook her head and she was biting her lip again as her fingers furrowed into his black robes. "He deserves it! How dare he strike you!"

"He didn't mean to Sev, I know for a fact that he didn't mean it." The younger Snape made to move away but Lily held fast to him. "Don't."

An angry yet resigned sigh passed through the younger Snape's lips and he rested his forehead against Lily's. "I cannot abide anyone hurting you Lily. If you were mine I would never raise a hand to you," Lily was smiling softly and the elder Snape watched as his younger self leaned toward Lily before capturing her lips. From his angle on the wall Snape could see the shocked look on Lily's face then the resistance in her trembling hands before acceptance overcame her and her eyes slid shut. Unbidden Snape raised his fingers to his lips wishing that he could remember the feeling of Lily's kiss. He couldn't though, he could only watch as his younger self partook of something that he would never get to remember feeling.

Lily's arms had wrapped around the younger Snape's shoulders and she was holding him to her as their lips parted then joined again. Over and over their lips joined and Snape couldn't turn away as he watched what had been his hand trail under Lily's shirt. The dark red material was pushed up and the pale expanse of Lily's back was exposed.

The memory spun and then another came into focus, this time it was in a place that Snape didn't recognize. Lily was shaking her face cupped in her hands as Remus wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The man seemed worn and tired and he was shaking his head, "Lily…I can't believe that this happened."

"Don't you think I know that Remus?" She moved her hands away from her face revealing the puffy exterior of her eyes. "It shouldn't have happened, and I couldn't regret it more. James trusts me!" Her voice was full of anguish as she took the white handkerchief that Remus was offering and wiped her eyes. "He trusts me and I slept with another man!" Snape watched Remus emit a sigh and gently tuck Lily's head into the crook of his shoulder.

"Are you sure it's not James's?" Lily nodded and Remus squeezed his eyes shut. Snape could tell that the other man was lost at what to do. Lily, she was talking as if…but it couldn't be even if they had-there was no way.

"You have to tell him Lily." She let out a desperate laugh tinged with hysteria.

"Which one Remus? How am I supposed to tell them? Either of them? Especially during this war? Severus is a Death Eater Remus, it wouldn't be safe."

Remus had pulled away from her and had stood; he was towering in front of the fireplace. Snape moved over to the couch and wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders, knowing that she couldn't feel him. "Lily…," She stood and shook her head wrapping her arms around herself.

"No Remus, I'll have to change his appearance, Severus won't have to know and neither will James. It's too dangerous to bring this into the light right now."

Remus turned sharply, "If you don't tell them I will," a moment later Lily's arm was raised the word Obliverate leaving her lips before Remus even had time to raise his wand.

The world spun away and it took Snape a moment to realize that he was standing in his bedroom the storm still raging outside. Harry…Potter's son, was his? How? How could Lily do this to him? Pain rippled through him, so he was a second choice. If James had survived she would have never told him, his child, his son would have been raised by Potter. Clenching his fist Snape turned on his heel angrily, Lily had no right to do that to him! She had no right to keep his-to keep their child away from him!

'_And what would you have had her do, tell you and risk the boy to Voldemort's mercies?' _

The words drifted through his mind and suddenly his anger dropped from his body. Lily, in her letter she had asked for his forgiveness. He sunk down onto his bed and cast his gaze out to the storm outside of his window, "Lily…" he had to believe that she would have told him when the war ended, that she would have done the right thing. Now though, he had something more important to deal with than Lily's betrayal. Harry, he was his son. Standing Snape straightened his robes, he would tell Albus and then he would collect the boy. He knew nothing of raising children but how could he deny himself the last piece of Lily that remained, a piece that was mixed with a piece of himself.

Turning he faced his bedroom door. "What are you doing here?"

"I see she sent you a similar set of memories then Severus," Snape's eyes narrowed before he nodded.

"And what action do you plan on taking?"

"I'm going to raise the boy of course," Snape moved forward only to have a wand raised and pointed at him.

"I'm afraid Severus," the man in the doorway stepped into the light revealing hard blue eyes. "That for the greater good I cannot allow that to happen, nor can I allow you to remain free with the knowledge bestowed upon you."

And with one word Snape's memory faded away and his world tilted.

"Obliterate."

End…

A/N So this idea swam in my head for a bit before I managed to write it. It has a hint of maybe becoming a full length fic, but I'm not sure so right now it'll be a oneshot. Do you guys think I should continue it, also in case I do would anyone care to beta? Please review


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